Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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