you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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