I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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