Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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