just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I did not marry a roomba.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
