community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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