that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
