can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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