I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
