That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
