I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
