every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
