I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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