He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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