in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
