I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
