I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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