Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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