Can i not drive my cunt home
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
