my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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