I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my poor anus
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
