I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
