ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
