Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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