haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
