She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
