We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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