just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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