i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
