she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We are all done wearing pants today
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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