you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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