You really coming over, don't trick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it glows. i had to have it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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