1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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