Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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