Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
