Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
