omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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