A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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