dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
