so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
