I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
