I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
