then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
