New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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