I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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