In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
