i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
40s are totally the cure
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
