Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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