I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
