forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
