Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
